Screen time that actually works for your family

Most arguments about screen time are about the clock. For children aged 8 to 14, the research does not point to one right number of minutes, so a better question is what screens are for and what they push out. Protect sleep, movement and family meals, choose good content together, and keep talking about what your child sees. Write those rules into a short family media plan with your child, so everyone knows them before the next argument starts.

Why there is no magic number

When the UK's Chief Medical Officers reviewed the research on screens and children's mental health, they concluded it was not conclusive enough to set evidence-based limits on the right amount of screen time. They still advise families to agree boundaries, because screen time can push out things that clearly matter for health, such as good sleep and time together.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has also moved beyond the single daily limit it once recommended. Its approach for families, the 5 C's, asks five questions: who your child is and why they use media, which content is worth their attention, how they calm down and fall asleep, what screens are crowding out, and how you communicate about media.

So build your plan around your child, the content and your daily routine, not only around a timer.

Protect the three things screens push out

Sleep

Children aged 6 to 12 need 9 to 12 hours of sleep a day, and teenagers aged 13 to 18 need 8 to 10 hours, according to sleep guidelines the AAP supports. The AAP advises keeping all screens out of children's bedrooms at night and switching them off at least an hour before bedtime. The UK Chief Medical Officers say the same about phones: leave them outside the bedroom at bedtime.

Movement

The World Health Organization recommends that children and teenagers aged 5 to 17 get at least an average of 60 minutes a day of moderate to vigorous physical activity across the week, and limit time spent sitting, especially recreational screen time. A simple rule from the UK advice: after a couple of hours sitting with a screen, get up and move.

Meals and family time

Screen-free meals are a simple place to start, and both the UK and the US advice recommend them. The AAP also suggests screen-free zones during homework and before bed.

Sort screen time by what it is for

An hour spent building a world in a game is not the same as an hour of autoplay videos. A simple sort helps children see the difference:

• Create: drawing, building, writing, making music or videos, coding.
• Learn: lessons, documentaries, practice apps, e-books.
• Connect: video calls with family, messages with friends.
• Relax: games and videos just for fun.

None of these is bad. The aim is a mix your family agrees on, with enough time left for everything else.

Write a family media plan together

Make the rules with your children, not for them. The AAP's family media plan starts from a simple idea: every family is different, so create rules that fit your routines and values, and discuss them with your children. Its example rules include:

• Screen-free zones, such as the dinner table, homework time and before bed.
• One screen at a time: turn off devices you are not using.
• Autoplay and notifications off, because they are designed to keep children engaged longer.
• Quality content, plus regular talks about ads and influencer marketing.
• Parental controls for time, downloads, contacts and purchases.
• A plan for every family member, parents included.

Review the plan at natural moments, such as the start of the school year or the summer holidays.

To check whether it is working, the UK Chief Medical Officers recommend four questions from the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health:

1. Is your family's screen time under control?
2. Does screen use interfere with what your family wants to do?
3. Does screen use interfere with sleep?
4. Are you able to control snacking during screen time?

What changes between 8 and 14

Ages 8 to 10

Children this age are becoming rule-based thinkers, which is why the AAP finds a family media plan especially helpful now. They are not ready for social media accounts. Sometimes watch and play together, to see what messages a show or game carries. Parental controls are not 100 percent effective, the AAP notes, but they help filter content on the devices your child uses.

Check the PEGI age label on games (3, 7, 12, 16 or 18) and the notices next to it, such as in-game purchases. Put devices away at bedtime, and try not to make screens the automatic answer to boredom or a frustrating homework task. Above all, tell your child they can come to you about anything upsetting or creepy they see online.

Ages 11 to 14

Involve your child in choosing the rules. The AAP calls this essential at this age, because it gives them a sense of ownership. Most social networks don't allow accounts before 13 in their own terms, so encourage your child not to lie about their age.

If they have a phone, teach them to use do-not-disturb or focus mode during school, homework and bedtime, and keep phones and gaming devices out of the bedroom overnight. PEGI also flags games that pressure players to come back, through daily rewards or login streaks, and rates games where chat cannot be blocked or muted, and is not moderated, as PEGI 18.

Ask open questions, such as whether they have seen anything lately that seemed weird or scary. Young teens often fear that telling you about a problem will cost them their device, so listen first, and don't make taking it away your automatic reaction.

Stay safe without spying

Talk about what your child does online as often as you talk about school. Start with their world: which game, which channel, which friends. Rely on parental controls more with younger children, then hand over more trust as your child shows good habits.

Agree on sharing, too. The UK advice reminds adults never to assume children are happy for their photos to be shared, and gives everyone the same rule: when in doubt, don't upload.

When to worry and where to get help

Where to go next

Start with one rule this week, ideally phones charging outside bedrooms, and build from there. Revisit the plan when something changes: a new phone, a new school, the summer holidays.

Brotelo's free Digital Safety and Smart Screens course, for ages 8 to 14, helps children with the other half of the job: strong passwords, spotting scams and fake news, protecting private information and making a screen plan of their own.